 I recently had the opportunity to participate in a process that I personally feel I was truly under qualified to take part in. That being said, I was flattered, honored and slightly horrified. But what the process was isn’t important. It’s what I learned. What I discovered about myself and others that made the lasting impact I wasn’t expecting. Insight into those around you is invaluable. Understanding about why human beings say the things they say, act the way they act and do the things they do can make you super insecure. Or if you sit quietly and digest the information you have gathered, you can let it grow and develop you. In the past I have relied on the dictionary to define words for me. As part of this process people were asked to describe what words meant to them and how they applied them in their life and work. For weeks, the following words have snuck into my thoughts. While changing a diaper. While watching the dog dig through a giant pile of wood. As sleep eluded me……again. During my few quiet moments in the morning with my bible and coffee. And in the midst of the evening chaos, bellowing, laughter and dishes.  Honesty. Pride. Integrity. The externalization of my month long inner thoughts, deliberation and understanding. Honesty: To tell the truth. To be direct. No matter how hard. To be able to look someone in the eye with no reservations. NOT beating it around the bush. Strait up. Strait laced. Sincere. To mean it from the bottom of your existence. Pride: A feeling of satisfaction in what you have accomplished. Knowing that you gave it your best. The glowing, shiny, exploding feeling you have inside when you do something correct, in-spite of what was going on around you. Integrity: Doing the right thing. Sticking to your morals, ethics and beliefs. Being consistently you. Everywhere. In all situations. Always. Not just when you know you will be recognized for it. Or when someone might be watching. But even when you know that no one will ever know. Whether you do it right. Or wrong. I have found that these three go hand in hand. Sometimes they arrive together. Other times one leads and the others follow. Situation dependent. As a parent, these qualities have been exercised far beyond my greatest expectations. I refuse to lie. Nothing is candy coated. I be as loving, guiding and understanding as I think humanly possible in all situations. I am certain that I fall short. But I try. And at the end of each day or challenge to know you never gave up. To be able to say you were real and didn’t falter from who you are. To have given it your all. That, my friend, is the joy of realizing true honesty, pride and integrity. 
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 Often times simple is better. Less is more and the slower you go the quicker things get done. That being said, I have recently realized that I do none of these things. I am always rushing around to the point where I can’t get out of my own way. I try to do too many things at once resulting in only getting some of them completed, and not as thoroughly as they should be. And I always, ALWAYS think that the more I do, the further I run, the healthier I eat, the earlier I get to bed, the more groceries I carry in at once, the better off I will be. I am an overachieving failure. How many of you think and feel the same way?! Be honest with yourself. We ALL do it. As a mom time is precious. As a dad time is precious. Grandma? Grandpa? Young, single and driven? Yup. Precious. We try so hard to stick to a routine sometimes with comical consequences. Trying to change two diapers at once. It IS possible. However when the size 6 diaper ends up on the 4 month old and I only realize it because the size 2 diaper doesn't actually fit the 2 year old. Or at 6 am the washer goes through it’s entire cycle, I go to switch it feeling proud of the wash being half done before I even leave the house in the morning, and there was NOTHING IN THE MACHINE. OR how about when I put the poor dog out and realize half an hour later I forgot my most loyal friend. But there she is faithfully sitting on the front step, her brown eyes blinking back at me through the rain drops. OR just when I’m ready to head out the door in the morning and a diaper suddenly needs to be changed. So I put everything down (don’t spill the coffee!) head into the bathroom and FORGET TO BRING THE BABY! And the day rushes on. Sweating, I load everyone in the car. Sweating, I arrive at work pretending I’m super calm and collected. Sweating, I load everyone back into the car at the end of the day. And you guessed it, sweating I drag everyone back into the house just so I can sweat through the time of day I like to call “the hours of treachery.” Which includes a rapidly consumed dinner as everyone and everything around me is either crying, talking, barking or knocking shit over. These are some of the crazy, hectic, laughable things that happen daily in my life. Time really does just pass you by, fast. That is if you don’t stop once in a while, feel your feet on the ground and smell the fricken pine needles. Pine needles you ask? I like the way pine needles smell when they are hot from the summer sun. I figured I would share that with you. Anyhow….. the dishes will still be there, the laundry will still need washing and the dirt will still be on the floor to sweep. But you know what won't be? Those same moments with my kids. My husband. My mom. My Dad. My brother. Everything else, pending no ones life is at stake, can wait.  From the depths of despair, hope. Instead of running away people selflessly stay. They give everything, anything. Some risk all for a loved one and others to help someone they have never met. Fear is replaced with bravery and determination. Differences are set aside and lives are forever joined. As mother nature is at her worst, humanity is at it’s best. The sense of community that has swept our nation in these last few days has impacted some of us greatly. We all watched and listened to the news as Hurricane Harvey bore down on the state of Texas. Everyone heard about the latest developments in the checkout line at the grocery store and on Facebook. Some of us prayed. Most wished we could do something, even something small, to bring any relief to those who suffered. I have had the great honor of being part of that small something. Over the past few days our awesome little community in New England has collected hundreds of non-perishable food items, countless cases of water, hygiene products, diapers, wipes, clothing, blankets, and cleaning supplies. There was a non stop flow to our fire station, as the designated drop place, for two days as people offered their own personal food supplies, Every car that stopped had at least one gallon of water. Some had gone shopping specifically for hurricane relief, buying in excess of $100 worth of items to donate. Unbelievable. One elderly couple brought 2 gallons of water and a bag of canned goods. The gentleman said to me as we unloaded his car, “We don’t have much but I figured we should gather a few dollars and help out.” A young mother with a brand new baby donated a bunch of formula and diapers. She said she had gotten it all at her baby shower, but could buy more. Children helped their parents bring in countless boxes of macaroni, ramen noodles, cans of spaghettios, and juice boxes. One little boy said to me that macaroni was his favorite and he thought the kids down in Texas might like some too. One woman donated 46 totes of brand new clothing that her husband had been selling in an e-bay store before his passing a few years ago. One of our police officers stopped with his twin boys and helped sort through the mounds of items. Our local grocery store donated a truck full of boxes….twice. People offered their trucks, trailers and time to get the supplies down there. I left the fire station for one hour and when I got back there was over 50 boxes of diapers that had been donated. And that was only the first day. By the next morning there was a small pathway through our meeting room. There were banana boxes of food stacked floor to ceiling. Water took over 1/4 of the room. Giant bags of dog food had been stacked against a wall. Every ten minutes, if not less, someone pulled in with donations. I think we were all a little overwhelmed and emotional with the enormous response from our community. People came from all over the state to be part of this movement. I received numerous phone calls from other fire departments, police departments, banks and citizens asking if we were still accepting donations, how we were going to get it to Texas, and if were we going to do another drive. It took 2 one ton dump trucks, 3 pickup trucks and a box trailer to get it to the gathering point. I know that even though it seemed like a super huge amount of product to us, it will only make a small dent in the unfathomable amount of need for these people. We may not know what you are going through, but we will do what we can as community to bring a little light to your darkness. You and yours are in our hearts and prayers.
 The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines leader as “a powerful person who controls or influences what other people do: a person who leads a group, organization, country, etc." I have been told that if but one person follows, you are a leader. I have recently realized that’s not completely true. I’m sure Merriam knows what it’s talking about, however….. when you step out, against the “normal”, when you take the initiative to do something others only ever talk about, when you make a change despite the odds being stacked against you. When you rise above the stereotype that has been placed on you due to upbringing, environment, personal past and financial status. Even when no one follows you. Even when you are ALONE. YOU. ARE. A. LEADER. Hell yeah! I have sat in seminars, I have been to trainings, I have listened to some of the very best mentors on the subject of leadership. I have had the honor of being brought up by the most wise, sober, well rounded human beings I believe to exist and then lucky enough to have worked for someone for 12 years of equal caliber. Everyone of them has taught me something new and each time I have been enlightened to something different. This idea of leadership came to me at the end of a very long, very sweaty, very uphill run on a very hot afternoon. I had just about a quarter of a mile to go. I was lumbering and mostly dragging the right side of my body. I had pretty much given up on the original plan to finish this run in a timely fashion. I just was hoping for survival. (I’m sure it was an interesting spectacle to look out your kitchen window and see.) Anyhow, this idea was almost more of a revelation. I have been running since I was 22. I have a had one consistent running partner for that time period. People ask me about running and fitness, we chat about what it would take to get into better overall fitness. Others say how much they admire me. I recognize friendly smiles and waves as cars go by. But no one ever follows. No one ever joins and sticks with it. Sure, I have had people run with me in the past. But here I am. Alone. Just me, my gasping breath and the hopes of a cold glass of water when I finish. But I always continue on. I always manage to get my shoes laced up and myself out the door. I never give up, I never let discomfort, difficulty and my own personal fears stop me from anything. I continue to be me. I continue to run. People notice your actions. People hear what you say. They may not directly acknowledge that they have done so. But who you are effects others. It’s that simple.  I have recently cut the following out of a magazine and taped it to the fridge:
Don’t worry that children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you. It’s the “leadership when no one is following” theory. And we all know that children don’t ever seem to listen. Ever. But they sure do copy your actions. Repeat the one thing we said yesterday in frustration and probably shouldn’t have. But we keep teaching, guiding and directing. And then suddenly…..they hear us. They say please, thank you. Or maybe something on a larger scale like asking for help. Or changing direction in their daily life. But in reality they have been listening and watching all along. They have been learning. They have been developing a method, values, morals. And all because they have been being led by us. By our consistency. By our power of example. So, for everyone of you that has risen above, taken the initiative to make a better life for yourself, for your family. When you smile at someone passing by, reach out a hand in greeting or assistance. Each time you don’t lash out, every time you exhibit self control. For all of you who have walked away from something that has only inhibited you. Even when no one follows. Even when you are alone. You are a leader.  Soooo….. a healthy, happy life. Where to begin. I have always been a firm believer that the power of positive thought, good food, water, exercise, sleep, a higher power, the occasional supplemental herb and knowing when to stop and take a break is all an organism needs to perform at its best. Phew! That's a lot. Well.... not really. Half of it we already do without thinking. Positive thought has always come naturally to me. I’m a glass half full, it was meant to happen type of girl. I can find the bright spot in the most crappy situation and always manage to laugh even when I'm in tears. I try to act happy even when I am not, and usually by lunchtime I’ve convinced myself everything is fine and I actually feel better! Good food is a given. Just because something is good for you doesn’t mean it has to taste bad or boring. I wish people understood that more! And everything in moderation. That is something I could have a bit more control over. Well, apparently my husband thought so too, so we went out and bought 8.5 inch dinner plates as opposed to the standard 10-12 inch. I think it’s definitely a “your eyes are bigger than your stomach” type thing. If the plate’s full, it seems as though your brain sees that as enough food. Did you know that buffets give you a plate that is between 11 and 14 inches?! Fill it up! And I don’t know about you but I tend to use the same plate for dessert that I did for dinner. So wow! A weeks worth of carbs and calories right there! Water. Up to 60% of the adult human body is made up of water. This, of course, varies depending on a number of factors including age, health, weight and whether you are a male or female. So drinking the recommended amount of water daily, approximately 48-64 ounces, increases energy, promotes weight loss, flushes out toxins, improves skin complexion, maintains regularity, boosts the immune system, helps prevent cramping and is a natural headache remedy. One of the main reasons adults get headaches is because they aren't drinking enough water. Crazy! All that goodness from something that is all around us! Exercise. Running, biking, lifting, hiking, swimming, or should I say flailing ungraciously through a body of water while desperately trying to keep the holes in my face in which oxygen enters free of foreign bodies. I LOVE exercise of all kinds. I’ve tried 30 minute videos that guarantee rock hard abs in 6 weeks. (I feel as though it may have worked better if I had started with almost no body fat.) I’ve tried Cross Fit which I actually really enjoyed. I may not have been able to lift my arms above my head or bend my legs after but it was fun! I think I may try that one again. I have even attempted yoga. Hmm. The jury is still out on that one. In theory, when I think about yoga I feel excited and almost pre-relaxed. My hair feels more flowy, my curvy body seems more beautiful and my chipped pink toenails look more natural. But due to my inability to commit to any one exercise, when I attempt yoga, I find myself laughing at my shaky form and loosing my balance quite often. I like to blame a stress fracture I had in my foot a few years ago on yoga. (I’m pretty sure it was from running though.) Sleep. HA! What the hell is sleep?! How many of us with kids, dogs, cats, spouses, neighbors, irritated bowl syndrome, a job, or pretty much anything else have actually had an uninterrupted night sleep in the past year? 5 years? 10 Years? Right, probably not many of us. Apparently you are supposed to get somewhere between 7 and 9 hours a night. When we sleep amazing things happen in our body. They repair themselves and memories consolidate. Hormones that regulate growth and appetite are released, which is why when we lack sleep we have a tendency to eat more. Cortisol levels increase over night to help us be more alert in the morning. How many of us wake up ready to go without a shower and at least one cup of coffee? I am fortunate if I get 5 hours of sleep a night. And that includes getting up a few times too. So needless to say, sleep is something we seem to sacrifice in order to be successful in the other aspects of our life. Go to bed late, get up early. And sometimes while I change a diaper, or feed a little mouth, I actually figure stuff out that I had been mulling over during my normal waking hours. So I like to think of my lack of sleep as somewhat successful. A power greater than myself. There is so much I can say about this one. I am NOTHING without my Higher Power. I would fail on regular basis if I believed that the human being was the most excellent existence. Even just a few moments a day of prayer or thought keeps my mind and soul on the right track for me. I have an ongoing dialogue about what I'm thinking, what just happened, what I should do next, am I being the best parent I can be. I feel selfish sometimes with all the requests for assistance, answers and guidance. But I always feel better after even just a pause in my day that reflects my faith. So whatever your beliefs be, may you always have something that helps you along, gives you strength and allows for the mess that we call life to make a little more sense. And herbs. Well, I don’t really know too much about them. But I’m learning. I know that when I’m feeling worn down and a bit stuffy to take a few echinacea and maybe I won’t catch a cold. Iron helps with that monthly disaster of mine. Vitamin E and Flax Seed Oil help maintain my skin, hair and nails. Ginko Biloba helps with brain function. My husband and I drink Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar every day. I’m not sure if it’s doing anything, but everything I’ve read says it is. It’s not creating any negative effects so what the heck! Every once in a while though, you have to stop. You need a day that says, nope, I’m all done. I am not putting on makeup. Or shoes. I probably wont return emails or texts. All I want to do is snuggle with my kids and read my magazine from last Christmas. I will not sweep the floor despite the consistently shedding german shepard that parks herself on the carpet. Everyone in the house will have to do their own dishes. I will not run (unless it’s to the fridge) or feel guilty about it. I will have that extra cup of coffee and I will eat ice cream! Well, with all that being said, life seems pretty simple. At least to me. Time passes whether we work hard to improve who and what we are, or if we just sit around and eat M&M’s. Which I can be found doing every once in a while. But why not use time to our advantage? Make it work for us. Do something that will improve ourselves. I truly feel if I can maintain the above 8 aspects of my life I’m doing okay. And now, I’m going to go eat some cake!   Courageous and Strong. That was the theme I was asked to speak to the Girl Scouts about a few years ago. The troop leader said they asked me because of my Christian Faith and wanted me to teach them about strong women from the bible. I was honored and horrified. I had to speak in front of a dozen young girls about what true courage and strength was. What?! I have days when I’m not even sure myself! How was I going to be able to deliver a convincing, faithful message to these girls? What if they thought I was full of crap? Or were bored. Or already had their own ideas about faith and God? Or….. there were so many ors. And there it was. My first lesson in courage and strength. Doing something that was outside my comfort zone, but in my heart knowing it was the right thing to do.
I remember my mother telling me long before I became a parent, that when a child is young, the brain is hungry to learn. Anything. It’s like a sponge and will absorb whatever there is to absorb. That being said, offer positive, faithful, morally and ethically correct information. Lay a strong foundation for these young minds to build on as they grow and develop. After much deliberation, I chose the story of Jael and Deborah. (Judges 4-5) Deborah was a Judge, which was not common for a woman in that day, and a prophetess. She helped the Israelites attain a victory against a far superior military. As the enemy troops fell, their general, Sisera, fled to the camp of Jael the Kenite. She called him into her tent, fed him, and when he fell asleep, killed him. They won the war and both women were hailed as heroes. Wow. Pretty brave. Now I had no intention of painting such a graphic picture for these impressionable minds. However, I really liked the idea of introducing a lesser known story of amazing women in the bible to them. The girls were riveted. They asked so many questions about the story, my faith and other life lessons. I was thrilled! The other part of the badge was an activity to go along with the story. What would I enjoy as a kid? Heck, what would I enjoy as an adult? One thing I have yet to attain as a runner is a medal. I have run countless 10k’s and 5k’s. But no medal. (Someday!) Wouldn’t it be great if these girls could do something they never thought they could and have something to show for it? I ordered a bunch of blank plastic medals with red, white and blue lanyards. I had each girl design their own with words and images that meant courageous and strong to them. I had a conversation with one young lady about her faith in Buddha. I was excited to support her and her beliefs. I hope my enthusiasm effected her positively. Then I set up a race course. A start and a finish line. (Which I considered a “keep going, never give up” line. ) I stood across the room from the group of girls. Each ran as fast as she could from where they gathered to me. The other girls cheered and clapped for each runner. As they crossed the finish, I placed their medal around their necks. The girls were beaming. Don’t forget how that moment felt, ladies. Remember to run your own race, have faith in your Higher Power and to always be courageous and strong. As for my medal? Well, unbeknownst to me, my husband took one of the extra medals and wrote Best Wife Ever on it.  For three months, that's 12 grueling weeks through the hot sticky summer, I trained for a half marathon. Five days a week, I ran, biked, lifted, cried, bled, gave up and kept going. I would fall into bed each night exhausted yet oddly satisfied, only to get up at four the next morning to get to work by five. My pre-dawn shower would wash away the salt that clung to my skin that I had been too tired to do anything about the night before. My days would fly by, laced with thoughts of my next run. My legs would itch just to feel the earth pound beneath my feet. I was like a caged animal. Almost crazed to break free and run. I longed to feel the sweat course down my face and my back. The best relationship I had ever had was suddenly with myself. You come to the point in life when you realize that if you give 100% to yourself then you will get the same in return. So that's what I did. However, 13.1 miles sure did seem like an awful long way to push ones body. I mean, I know there are people who can do full marathon's and give a smiling, care free interview when they are done. If that was me, I'd be unconscious on the side of the road somewhere. As the weeks went by, the miles got longer and the weather got hotter. I would wait until 6 at night most days simply so I could make it through a workout without keeling over and leaving my family with nothing but a massive car payment. On my days off from work, I would get up at the crack of dawn and head out on my bike. I found that biking was actually a lot of fun. Well, once your rear end got used to the seat. (And since I've had a couple of kids, well, you can imagine.) But as with anything that makes you feel confident, amazing and invincible, too much of it can be a not-so-good thing. Burnout is real. Believe me. Crankiness, sleeplessness, losing the drive to run. (That was heartbreaking.) In retrospect it reminds me of the first few weeks with a new baby! If only I had known! It stopped being fun at about week 8. Running, biking, weight training. It all just became routine. I had to get it done. What had initially brought me so much joy and freedom, now got in my way. Now, I'm not a professional athlete by any means and taking it upon ones self to train for any type of athletic competition can be overwhelming. My brother once told me years ago, when I had first begun running and weight training, "Rachie, you have to learn to listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs. And remember, it's okay to take time off." So I did. One whole glorious, sun kissed week, I remember saying to my mother at the conclusion of a great mother-daughter conversation the following words, "Mom, it will take an act of God to keep me from running in that race." And the training resumed. My runs got stronger and the long distances (8 and 9 miles) came a bit easier. But I still had to make it past 9 miles. Everytime I had decided to hit at least ten miles, half way through the run I would decide against it. Im not sure if I was afraid that I wouldn't make the distance or if I just really didn't want to do it. Now I understand that there should be happiness in running, at least some of the time. Elation even. But we have to remember that everyone runs for a different reason. Some people to stay in shape. Some to get into shape. Others just because they can. I run simply because it makes me feel strong. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. When those parts are working together all is right in my world. About one month before the big day, my friend and running partner, Kendra (who also happens to be the person who convinced me that this was all a good idea) and I were determined to make 12 miles. We started our run with not a care in the world and one water bottle. (I refused to go without one, and she refused to go with one.) The day had been steamy and I was thirsty just thinking about running 12 miles. The evening was young, the air was still warm and muggy (my favorite), the sun was behind the trees on the route we were taking, and the lake we are lucky enough to live by was active with summer life. The first 6 miles and our turnaround flew by. We were even 5 minutes ahead of schedule. Thrilled, we picked up the pace and by mile 7 were down to a lumbering jog. I could feel blisters on the inside of both of my feet, but I was determined to make 12 miles. We didn't have a choice really. We had ran out, now we had to run back. By mile 9 we were walking, slowly, and had only a quarter of the water bottle left. We were soaked with sweat, in pain and hungry. But my heart soared (possibly due to dehydration). I only had 3 miles left!!! I was going to do this. And we did. We walked the last half a mile and made the 12 in 2 hours and 27 minutes. The blue Powerade I inhaled when we got back was the most delicious thing I believe I ever had.  Sunday, August 28, 2011 was only days away. The day of my half. And so was Tropical Storm Irene, which was headed strait for New England. The storm was due to make landfall in New Hampshire on that Sunday. Kendra and I diligently checked websites and emails. I kept trying to convince myself that running in a Tropical storm wouldn't be so bad. It would figure that the one time I was going to run 13.1 miles would be the same day New Hampshire would get a tropical storm. Remember what I said about the "Act of God"? Well, so be it. The CHAD Half Marathon was cancelled. We got the news on Friday night. I wasn't going to run in a half. I had mixed emotions on the whole thing. The feeling of defeat, sadness and a weird sense of acceptance encompassed me. I had done one of the more difficult things I think I will ever do. I set goals, I trained, I learned a lot about myself and I grew stronger in all aspects of my life. It wasn't until it was all over that I realized that just because I hadn't ran 13.1 miles didn't mean that I didn't meet my goals. I had done something just a short year ago I never would have been able to do, and that is more than I could ever ask for. And that feeling of elation that runner always talk about? There is one run I will never forget. It wasn't that 12 mile run, it wasn't even my first long run. The evening was overcast. Work had been long and overwhelming. I was exhausted. I put on my favorite dark blue running shorts, a comfy tank top and laced up my sneakers. Armed with my cell phone in one side of my sports bra and my MP3 player in the other side (I don't like carrying anything in my hands when I run), I began a 9 mile loop. The run was actually one of my better ones. I could feel my body relax and enjoy. Before I knew it I had run about 7.5 miles and couldn't have felt better. I called my mother at the bottom of the what we call Bristol Hill (She had been on standby to come get me if I couldn't make the 9 miles. It's always good to have a plan). I told her that I was going to attempt the hill. The incline on this beast is ridiculous. Thighs and Calves burn the whole way. My heart rate spikes into the 150's and doesn't seem to budge. I am hot and tired. My feet are almost numb from pounding on them for 8 miles. There is only little more than a mile left. But it's all up hill. Halfway up it started to rain. I remember smiling and thinking about how grateful I was to be able to be doing what I was doing at that very moment. It's funny how we can love and hate what we are doing all at the same time. As I crested the top of the Hill a short time later, I saw a figure at the end of the road that I was going to turn down. Arms in the air, hands clapping. I could hear her voice carry down to me on the late summer evening breeze. "Alright Rachie!" My mom. I stood up taller, I felt stronger, I felt proud. She kept clapping and cheering for me until I got to her. That was what the past 12 weeks had been all about. Not so much for me and my own personal goals, but for that moment. For the people who meant more to me than anything in the world. For their support through my ups and downs. And to have my mom get to watch me cross my own finish line.  |
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